no need to speak
by Hypothia Malfoy
Summary: draco finds his true self. harry is there to accept it, but voldie has another plan... ch 9 ulpoaded! please R & R!!!
1. Telling

Chapter one: Telling  
  
"fine! you wanna know what happened?" I asked as I folded my arms across my chest.  
  
"mister Malfoy, it is the only way I can understand and comprehend what happened." My headmaster said. He sat behind his desk and leaned forward, all too eager to hear my story.  
  
I looked around his office. Various portraits were looking at me and saying things like, "tell him Draco." Or "go on, it's okay." I sharply moved back to Dumbledore, but I could not look him in the eyes. I continued to glance around his desk and procrastinate some more. A phoenix was perched on a gold stand next to his desk. On his desk lie various piles of papers and books, his wand and hat and what I thought was a candy bar called "Snickers" or something like that.  
  
"please mister Malfoy." He said. I looked up and at his face. He peered at me over his half-moon spectacles. "I need to know."  
  
I looked down at my feet. My eyes began to burn as I tried to hold back tears. I put my hands on either side of my face as I tried to shake the image out that came into my head.  
  
I was running through the forbidden forest. My hair was plastered to my head with sweat. I stopped when I saw him. He wasn't alone. I saw who he was with and I wanted to scream for help, but no sound came out of my mouth.  
  
I snapped back into Dumbledore's office. He looked concerned and curious at the same time. His eyes sparkled at me with compassion and empathy. "fine, I'll tell you. but I can't just tell you what happened. I need to start from the beginning for you to understand." I wiped a tear from my eye and began my story; our story.  
  
*****  
  
I sat on the train the first day of my seventh year. That summer brought many changes in my life. My father died. I really did not care much for him since I had taken myself off the imperious curse early in the holiday. I learned a lot about myself since I was free.  
  
It all started before my father died. I had just learned the counter curse for the imperious and it was my first day as the real Draco Malfoy. I was sent by my not quite dead father to find a muggle to practice curses on. He naturally did not know I had freed myself of him. I had to still pretend like I was a strong willed, obedient Malfoy. I went to a muggle town and was walking down the street. I saw a boy sitting under a tree reading a book. He did not look like the muggles I usually see. He was wearing tan slacks and a blue collared shirt that could be seen coming out of the top of his sweater. Something about this boy drew me to him. I walked over and sat next to him. I introduced myself and so did he. His name was Michael.  
  
I continued to go back and see him every day. We had been meeting for about a week when he told me he was gay. He was my friend. I didn't care who he was attracted to.  
  
"To tell you the truth, when I first met you, I thought you were too." He said to me.  
  
I had never really thought about it before. I had been attracted to guys, but I always dismissed it as teenage hormones gone awry. I turned tot face him. I looked into his eyes searching for the answer of to the question that was my sexuality. His blue eyes sparkled with anticipation. Then, after much searching, I had found the answer. I was gay. I have never been attracted to a girl. I have had girlfriends, but I was just lying to myself. I leaned forward to kiss Michael, but my lips found nothing. I opened my eyes and I was looking into the hate filled pools of my father. He was holding Michael up by the collar of his shirt.  
  
With one flick of his wand, we were back at the Malfoy Manor. My father turned to me and said coldly, "So you're a fag now, is that it?"  
  
I said nothing. I looked at Michael who was sitting in a chair in a full body bind. A single tear ran down my face as I saw the look of terror on his face.  
  
"I should kill you, you know." My father said to me. "but you have so much potential. The dark lord expects great things from you. However, to toughen you up and to remind you where your loyalties lie, I shall kill your corruptor." Then he said the fateful words, "avada kedavra" and Michael lay dead in next to the chair he was sitting on.  
  
My entire world was spun around me for the next few weeks. My father was killed by Voldemort. He found out I had taken myself off the curse and grew angry at my father for "letting" me become so defiant. I was left with my new-found sexuality, two deaths, a lost love, and one week until school started. 


	2. Confiding

Chapter 2: confiding  
  
The next thing I knew, I was on the train on my way to school. I watched my two henchmen fight over who gets the last chocolate frog. I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself, "there's too much masculinity in here." I get up with out saying a word to either one of them and make my way down the corridor. I stop when I heard two people talking.  
  
"Look harry, we had fun, but I'm not gay. That whole thing with you was just experimentation for both of us and you know it. I want to go out with Hermione now." The voice belonged to Weasley. He was talking to potter. This was great stuff. Part of me wanted to run around telling everyone in sight what I had just heard, but most of me wanted to find out more. I ducked behind a wall when Weasley came out. He was most likely going to go and find that mudbl- to find Hermione. I slowly walked inside the compartment to find potter looking out the window. It took him a while to realize someone else was there.  
  
"Great." He said with a harsh tone of voice. "Malfoy, I'm really not in the mood for your shit right now, okay?"  
  
I just stood there. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was completely lost in him. I saw him differently now which, I believe was because of me not being under my father's curse and my discovery about myself. This boy, no, this man, my arch nemesis for six years, confused me. There was so much mystery in his eyes. they sparkled with angst. I searched them for some emotion other than hate, I kept looking and thought I had found something more, but I was interrupted.  
  
"Malfoy!" he screamed. "If you're going to give me shit, do it quickly, but if you're just going to stand there like a stupid git, then leave."  
  
Potter had obviously grown over the holiday too. Normally he would not be so harsh with me. I found myself sitting next to him after what he said had settled in. "look potter, I know I've been somewhat of a- " I started.  
  
"daft prick." He finished.  
  
I smiled. "that's how I would put it." I laughed, and after a bout of confusion on his part, he did too. His smile was so genuine and pure. I simply sat there and looked at him.  
  
"so…uh…Malfoy, what exactly do you want?"  
  
I snapped out of my trance and spoke, "I wanted to apologize."  
  
He looked at me rather shocked. "apologize?!"  
  
"yes, apologize for six years of name calling, pranks, and rumors."  
  
"rumors?!" he looked at me with his emerald circles burning.  
  
"yeah…in fifth year, I kind of told everyone in my house that you were gay and made a pass at me." I looked down at my feet which rested lightly on the ground.  
  
"well, one part is true. I AM gay."  
  
I couldn't believe he was telling me this.  
  
"oh." Was all I could say. "well, I am too." I looked up at him. I thought I would find a surprised look, but I found nothing of the sort. Potter looked, he looked smug.  
  
"yeah, I knew. We have a kind of radar."  
  
"you knew? You knew all along?"  
  
"since last year. That's when I came out."  
  
I could not speak. I could not move. I simply sat there in silence until he spoke.  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
I looked up at him.  
  
"why are you so nice now?"  
  
I told him the story of my summer. How I broke free of my fathers clutches which cost him his life. I told him about Michael and how my father killed my only true friend.  
  
"I'm so sorry." He said as he put his hand on my shoulder. I felt shivers go up and down my spine as he made contact with my body.  
  
"the bastard deserved it. I hated him. I don't give a shit." I looked up and into his eyes. I soon darted mine away from his as a began to speak again. "do you think, I mean, if it's okay. Since we have had this heart- to-heart and all and are kind of friends, that we could be on a first name basis?"  
  
"I guess that would be all right Draco." He extended his hand and asked, "friends?"  
  
I held out my hand and shook his. "I hope so harry."  
  
We shook hands for what seemed like an eternity. It was as though the world existed only for us. I continued my search in his eyes. I finally found what I was looking for. It was all I needed in another human being. Something I have never had in any relationship before this. Something I was looking for all my life, whether I knew I was looking, or not. I found acceptance and unconditional love.  
  
Harry took a step closer to me and I did the same. We both continued to step closer together until we were so close that I could feel his breath against my lips.  
  
"have you ever kissed another man, Draco?" he asked.  
  
"no." I said. Our eyes never blinked and never left one another's. his head turned; mine did as well. I was mere millimeters from my once enemies lips when the train stopped. Weasley- er- Ron came back with Hermione. I said goodbye to harry and ignored the looks of confusion on his friend's faces. I walked back to my compartment to gather my followers. 


	3. Confusing

Chapter 3: confusing  
  
I couldn't eat at the start of term feast. I could barely blink. I looked over at the gryffindor table. Ron and hermione were feeding each other food and harry was staring at them looking rather morose and sad. He looked so alone in the world. I wanted to comfort him. Then, as though still under the imperius curse, I stood up and made my way over to his table. I knew exactly what I was doing. I walked up to him, kneeled next to the bench, and whispered, "hey harry."  
  
He replied with a soft, "Hi."  
  
"I'm done eating, would you like to go for a walk by the lake with me?" I whispered. Most people were too busy greeting the new first years and telling them stories about trolls and poltergeists to notice that the slyherin and gryffindor quidditch captains were having a civil conversation. Harry stood up and walked outside with me after he nodded as a reply.  
  
We reached the lake and he turned to me and said, "thanks for saving me in there."  
  
"you looked so sad." I replied. "I had to do something."  
  
"this whole year is going to be like that. Me, a third wheel." He sat down and threw a stone into the lake after he spoke.  
  
I sat down next to him and took his hand. "more time for us to spend together then." I moved closer to his face. He brought his closer to mine. We were about to touch when ron, the king of impeccable timing came.  
  
"harry! What are you doing with malfoy?!"  
  
The way he said my last name cut into me like a thousand daggers. There was so much hatred in his voice that it killed me inside. Harry stood up to face his best friend.  
  
"he's changed ron. We've made up."  
  
"made out is more like it." ron spat at me. "bullshit he's changed. he's probably just pretending so he can hand you over to you-know-who."  
  
I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and screamed, "fuck you weasley! Why don't you just let him do what he wants! He's 17 years old let him make his own damn decisions!" We glared at each other for a second until he stormed off. "sorry about that." I said to harry as I turned to look at him. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him. never in my life have I been so close to someone.  
  
*****  
  
I sat in potions class the following day. I sat in my usual front row seat and took notes. Potions seemed so tedious to me now. I pretended to stretch and looked over at harry. His eyes followed the words as he wrote them down on his parchment. He made me so curious. What went on in his head? It doesn't make sense. He was so accepting of me, but why?  
  
"mr. Malfoy!" a voice yelled.  
  
I turned to where the voice was coming from. Standing in front of my desk, like a statue looking down at me was my potions professor and the head of my house and, professor snape. His cold gaze penetrated my brain. His greasy black hair fell next to his equally dark eyes. His voice, though I'm sure I was used to it before, seemed to take the life out of me.  
  
"mr. Malfoy, it is nice to know that you are so talented in the art of potion making that you feel you need not pay attention."  
  
Snape was usually nice to me; he and my father were good friends. I think he blames me for his death.  
  
"sorry professor." I replied and quickly went back to my notes.  
  
"mr. Malfoy." He said, and I looked up. His voice was no longer harsh in tone, but it was still full of hate. "I suggest you buckle down this year." He moved closer and his voice grew softer. "after all," he continued. "daddy's not here to buy your way out of things." Then he moved to sit at his desk. I leaned back in my chair. He was right. my dad was dead. He can't buy my grades for me anymore. Then it hit me; if I was such a good student under the curse, what would happen now? It was my last year, I couldn't mess up.  
  
I sat and pondered these questions until the bell rang. I gathered my things and left for defense against the dark arts. This class had a new meaning to me now. I took my seat in the back, professor lupin came into the class and walked to the front. I rose my hand and asked, "professor, may I move up to the front?"  
  
"certainly, nr. Malfoy." He looked at the front row. "there is a seat next to mr. Potter."  
  
I almost choked on my cotton candy bertie botts every flavor bean. I was going to be sitting next to harry the whole year! I grabbed my bag and slowly moved to the front. I felt crabbe and goyle's eyes burning into the back of my head as a walked. Harry looked at me and smiled slightly. I smiled back and sat down.  
  
"hey." He mouthed.  
  
"Hi." I mouthed back.  
  
Professor lupin started to lecture on werewolves and harry chuckled a little bit. I looked down when I felt a tap on my leg. Harry was holding a ripped and folded piece of parchment in his hand that was under the desk. I looked up at him. his eyes were still focused on the lecture as though he were actually listening. I took the note and opened it under my desk. It read:  
  
Astronomy tower, midnight. Don't be late.  
  
I refolded the letter and put it in my pocket. I had no idea what to feel. My heart was skipping beats with excitement, but my head was pounding with confusion. Why was he being so nice to me if I was such an asshole to him? mocking his family and friends. Giving information about him to rite skeeter in out fourth year. Why was he doing this? There was only one way to find out. 


	4. Meeting

Disclaimer: so, I forgot to give the fine print before. I don't own any of em' and blah blah blah.  
  
Thanks to those who reviewed. (the ONE person) here's more for ya.  
  
Chapter 4: meeting  
  
I walked up the winding stone stairs that night. I glanced at my pocket watch; 11:57. I closed it and looked at the large "M" with a snake wrapped around it. I hated being a Malfoy.  
  
I finally reached the top of the stairs to find harry leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest directly in my walking path. As I walked closer a smirk grew more and more visible on his face. You would think he was a Malfoy.  
  
He started to walk towards me as I continued to walk towards him. Our eyes were focused on one another's as we walked towards each other. Everything I was looking for I found in his eyes. We didn't need to speak. We just knew. Then, we both took ne last step towards each other. Our arms still lay at our sides while our faces met. My head turned slightly and I tried to find his lips with my own. They made contact so lightly that I wasn't sure if they were even touching. I moved one of my hands into his untidy hair and out the other one behind his neck. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to his body. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was snogging my sworn enemy. But why? I pulled back and moved over ot sit down on the floor and leaned against the wall. I put my knees up and wrapped my arms around them to pull them closer to me.  
  
"what is it?" harry asked as he sat down next to me.  
  
"Why?" I said as a reply.  
  
"why what?"  
  
"why are you so understanding about everything? About the curse and my father? We hated each other for six years harry! I was so mean! You just don't forget that." "of course I can't forget all that." He said as he put his hand on my knee. "but I CAN forgive. I'm so understanding because I know what it's like when you first find out. So much confusion. You don't know who to trust; who to tell. You can trust me draco."  
  
"thanks harry. I hope I can tell people soon." I replied.  
  
"it's a lot better. When you tell people, they have a chance to see the real you. they can see you the way I do."  
  
I picked up my head and looked into his bright green eyes. I moved my face closer to him and kissed him again.  
  
*****  
  
I was on cloud nine as I walked back to the common room. Lucky filch wasn't out, because I was too happy to sneak around. I reached the portrait, it asked me the password, and I said, "cunning wit." The portrait swung open and I waltzed into the common room.  
  
"where the hell were you?" a voice called.  
  
I turned around to see who it was, but it was too dark to see anything.  
  
"lumos." A second voice said. A flash of light came from a wand, then the room was lit up. I saw crabbe and goyle sitting in two arm chairs next to the fire.  
  
I looked at them and sat down. "I was out, what's it to you?"  
  
"don't fuck with us malfoy." Crabbe said harshly.  
  
"yeah. We know you've changed." goyle retorted. "daddy take you off the curse?"  
  
"no. I took me off the curse." My voice was full of hatred. It was amazing how fast my mood had changed.  
  
"we know you were with him." crabbe stood up and me face to face with me. "so, you're a faggot now, is that it?"  
  
I couldn't speak. I was terrified. What was I supposed to say in response to that? "yes, I am." My voice shook with fear as I spoke.  
  
"too bad." Goyle said as he stood next to crabbe. "you could have been great, you know? The next dark lord people said. But voldemort won't let a queer into his inner circle."  
  
'yeah, especially if you're fucking potter." Crabbe added.  
  
I lost it. I completely snapped. "fuck you both! Don't bring him into this!"  
  
"too late." Goyle smirked.  
  
"what the hell did you two do?!" I demanded. I grabbed goyle's robes and yelled, "if you hurt him I swear, I'll fucking kill you."  
  
"how do you plan to do that." He replied and pushed me hard onto the floor.  
  
I fell and looked at both of them and ran. I had no clue where I was going to run to, but I had to get out of there. the words "find him" echoed in my head over and over again. 


	5. Dreaming

Chapter 5: dreaming  
  
I ran out of the castle. My legs simply carried me. I had no clue where my destination was. my face was soaked with sweat. The cold breeze caused me to shiver. Then, in mid run, I collapsed out of exhaustion. I had no clue how long I was lying there. I awoke when I felt someone pick me up. I slowly opened my eyes to see professor lupin staring down at me.  
  
"he's fine, draco." He said.  
  
I heard those magnificent words and passed out in his arms.  
  
That night, I assume I was in the hospital wing. Before I awoke there, I had a dram. I saw my father with voldemort. They were in the forbidden forest with someone else. Harry. This seemed all too real. But my father was dead. It didn't make sense. Harry was sitting on a chair. His body was bound by a serpent to serve as ropes. I was there too. I was hiding behind a tree. Voldemort and my father both raised their wands. I saw everything from my hiding spot. I wanted to stop them, but I couldn't move. Then voldemort, without looking at me said, "you think we cannot sense your presence, young malfoy?" I came out from where I was slowly. They raised their wands higher and simultaneously yelled, "crucio!"  
  
Harry writhed in pain. His screams of agony penetrated my soul. Slowly, I took out my wand, pointed it at voldemort, and yelled, "expilliarmus!" his wand flew into the air and he simply stood and looked at me. I faced my father, my wand still drawn, and said, "you're supposed to be dead."  
  
"well, I'm obviously not." He said back. "it was all a part of his plan." He gestured to voldemort. "you can now watch you lover die…again."  
  
I woke up screaming, "no! don't kill harry! I love him!" I was breathing heavy after I realized I was no longer dreaming.  
  
"I wont kill harry mr. Malfoy." It was lupin.  
  
"my father." I started to say, but was interrupted in the middle by lupin.  
  
"he is alive." He finished. Lupin stood from the chair next to my bed. He paced next to me as he spoke. "you're father never died draco. He is voldemort's most loyal follower. He would never kill him."  
  
I looked up at him. "then why did he fake his own death?"  
  
"you." he sat down on my bed next to me. "you are not the heir he expected. He wanted you to follow voldemort, but when you began to resist him, he knew you could never be the next dark lord. They both had planned for you to take over, but when they knew you couldn't, your father faked his own death so he could leave and join voldemort more permanently.  
  
I leaned up and asked, "but what does that have to do with harry."  
  
"draco, everything having to do with voldemort has to do with harry. Also, your father blames Harry for what happened to you. He wants him dead just as much as voldemort does."  
  
"have I lead them to harry?"  
  
"no draco. Harry has." He noticed the look of confusion on my face and continued. "harry is voldemort's son." I was far too stunned to speak. "they have a bond through harry's scar. A bond that can never be broken until one of them dies. Voldemort knows what harry is thinking if the emotion is strong enough. Now that strong emotion is love. It has impaired his judgments and thoughts. Voldemort will kill him if he cannot concentrate on fighting him off."  
  
"so, you're saying that if harry falls in love, he'll die?" I asked. I was still so confused about all of this.  
  
"I am saying that if his thoughts are consumed with loving you, and he does draco, very much, he cannot think about fighting voldemort. YOU need to help him. Hurt him to help him. If his thoughts are filled with confusion and pain, voldemort cannot know what he is thinking. Hurt him to save him draco. Break his heart. Fill his thoughts with pain and loss."  
  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had to hurt harry. I've spent six years hurting him. "I love him. I can't hurt him." I said to him.  
  
"if you love him, you need to hurt him." He stood up and looked down at me. "remember draco, hurt him to save him. It's the only way to save him." he walked out and left me with my scattered thoughts. 


	6. Hurting

Special thanks to the two of you who have reviewed.  
  
Disclaimer: they're not mine…DAMN!  
  
Chapter 6: Hurting  
  
I walked down the hall muttering the words, "hurt him to save him" over and over again. Then I heard a familiar voice and familiar hands were put over my eyes.  
  
"Guess who?" He said.  
  
I turned around to face him. At first I couldn't speak. I knew what I had to say though. Then I painfully said to him, "Leave me alone, faggot." I walked away to keep up my act, but as I turned a corner, I broke into a run. I tripped on a stair and began to cry. Not from the fall, but from what I had just done. That killed me to say to him. Deep down I knew I had to do it though. I wish I could tell him so I could make him understand why, but I knew I couldn't.  
  
I went to Defense Against the Dark Arts with my eyes still bloodshot from tears. I walked back to my last row desk next to Crabbe and Goyle. The seat was occupied by their book bags. They didn't have to say anything. I knew. I walked to the front and sat next to Harry. I glanced at him as he began to pay attention to Professor Lupin. He looked as miserable as I did. He looked at me and I sharply turned away. Gods, how could I do this to him? It ripped me apart to hurt him like this. I couldn't pay attention to the lecture as I was too consumed in my own thoughts. I knew that this was what I had to do, but if it was what I had to do, why did it hurt so much?  
  
Class ended and I walked out as soon as I could. I stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face Harry. His eyes were as red as mine, though mine, I'm sure, were slightly worse. They were no longer filled with love and compassion, but complete and utter pain.  
  
"Dr- Draco." He said to me as he tried to hold back tears.  
  
"It took all the strength in my to snap back at him. "What do you want, Potter?"  
  
"Wh- why?" he asked. "I thought we had something."  
  
"Well, I guess you were wrong then, huh?" I spat this was too hard. I had to get out of there. I stepped closer to him, my eyes were burning from trying to hold back the tears that wanted so desperately to come out, and said, "It's over." Then I ran. I let my tears free. I'm not sure if he noticed how much I wanted to cry, but I hope he didn't.  
  
I ran outside of the castle and went to the lake. I sat where we were the first day of school. "I'm so sorry Harry." I said to nothingness. "forgive me. it's to save you. I hope you'll understand someday. I love you." I began to cry again. Something told me I'd be crying for a long time. I looked at my watch. It was past dinner so everyone would be back in the dorms by then. I stood up and dusted myself off. I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to make it seem like I was all right. I walked back to the castle. I reached for the door, but before I could grab the handle, Ron came out. I stood face to face with him. He did not speak. He didn't need to. I knew what he was thinking.  
  
"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you." He didn't even blink when he spoke. "You never cared about him. You just wanted to hurt him for your own sick pleasure, is that it Malfoy?" He took a step and punched me in the chest. I staggered backwards.  
  
"You don't know the whole story Ron."  
  
"I know plenty of it Malfoy." He stepped closer. "You fucked with his emotions. You used him, lead him on, and then left him. How could you do that?" His hand clenched into a fist.  
  
I saw the whole thing in slow motion. His arm moved up from where it hung next to his side. It was even with my face. Then it swung and hit me in my jaw. The force was so great that it knocked me to the ground. The slightly spongy grass broke my fall, but so did my wrist. Upon impact, I felt sharp pains in my hand and arm. That is when I looked down and saw that I had landed on my wrist. I rolled over to release the pressure from my hand.  
  
Ron stood over me and said, "If you tell anyone I did this, I'll tell the whole school you're a fag."  
  
I saw him walk back into the castle soon after he spoke. I looked up at the sky. Gray clouds covered the blue that I would have liked to see. I could feel water on my face. It dripped down my cheeks. I am not sure if that was the rain, or my tears. 


	7. Explaining

Woo hoo! Two reviews! Rock on! But more would be nice. Tell your friends about my story! The truth is, I REALLY want to be a writer, and HP fan fic doesn't really show my ability, but it's all I have now. I'm more into screenplays, but my passion has really always been books. Right, enough about me. the point is, in order to write well, I need constrictive criticism along with compliments. Yeah. Also, I don't own HP people…pity…  
  
Chapter seven: Explaining  
  
I finally stood up. I had no clue how long I had been lying out there. there was darkness all around me except for the glow of the moon, so I figured it was out there for a long time. I could barely walk back. I was so cold from being in the rain for so long and was so drained from crying. I pulled my cloak hood over my head as I walked. I did not want anyone wandering aimlessly in the halls to know it was me if anyone saw. I started walking to the dungeons to the Slytherin dorms, but I stopped. I started off for the Gryffindor dorms, but stopped after taking only a few steps. I had no where to go. Crabbe and Goyle most likely told everyone in Slytherin and whoever else would listen what they knew of me, and I couldn't go to Gryffindor for obvious reasons. I was left with only one option.  
  
I started in the direction Lupin's class. I prayed that he was there. Something told me that he would understand. I hoped so much that he would understand. He had to. I walked up to his door and knocked. It opened slightly as though with cation and I saw him. "yes Draco?"  
  
"I," I began before collapsing onto the floor and started to sob. I looked up at my professor. I could barely see him due to the abundance of my tears. I begged him to let me in. "please." I said to him. He pulled me up and into the classroom. I sat at a desk and he stood in front of me. "I did it." I said. "I hurt him." I wiped a tear from my face and continued. "It killed me to do it. He hates me now. I hate me now." I didn't even look up once as I spoke.  
  
"it's for the best, Draco." He said as he put his hand on my shoulder.  
  
I pushed his hand away from me. I didn't want to be touched. I glared at him. my eyes, I am sure were full of hate. I didn't need to speak. He knew. How could it be for the best? We're miserable without each other. If this was the best, I could never imagine the worst. It didn't make sense though. How did he know all of this? "how did you know what my father and Voldemort were planning?" I asked him.  
  
He walked away from me and replied. "Snape told me. He is a spy for Dumbledore. He was there when they planned it."  
  
"why does he hate me now?" I asked.  
  
"he does not hate you. He acts as though he does to throw others off."  
  
I was so confused. "what do you mean?"  
  
"there are students at this school who are to become deatheaters upon graduation. They know that you will not be joining them. snape has to act as if he was on their side. That means treating you poorly."  
  
Everything seemed to make sense then. I hated it so much, but at least it made sense. "I have no where to go." I said to him.  
  
"you may stay here." He replied quickly. It was almost as if he were expecting me. "there is a cot in the room over there." he led me to the back room and gave me some dry clothes to change into.  
  
That night I couldn't sleep at all. I had a bad feeling about everything. Something told me that Voldemort would still kill Harry regardless. I had to find him. not being with his was tearing me up inside. I sat up on the cot I was desperately searching for sleep on minutes ago. I got up and walked out the door. I made my way through the classroom and was almost to the door when I heard someone whisper my name.  
  
"Draco." It was professor Lupin. "Don't go to him."  
  
In the midst of the darkness, I saw the outline of a person. "I can't take it anymore. I said as I sat in a chair. "Knowing that he is out there, alone, hurting. Hurting because of me. I need to go to him." I leapt out of my chair and lunged towards the door. Lupin caught me mid air and we fell on the floor. I collapsed into his arms and began to cry. I felt like I would never stop. He didn't speak at all. He just silently consoled me. That was all I needed. I needed his support. I needed someone to be there.  
  
I sat on the floor with him until I couldn't cry anymore. I sat up and looked at him. "I don't know how much more I can take, professor." I said and wiped a tear from my eye.  
  
"you need to Draco." He said back. "you need to be strong."  
  
It was so hard to be strong, but I knew I had to do it. 


	8. Watching

Right, so here is chapter 8 for you few dedicated fans! Just a side note. I'm on thespeech ad debate team and theres a tournoment at Berkeley and I'm gonna do HP and the SS as a humorous. It's so funny cuz all the charactersare all crazy and me-like. It's great. Okay, so on with the fic... oh, and they're not mine...curses!  
  
Chapter eight: Watching  
  
The following day, I returned to my classes. I had potions with the Gryffindors and Slytherins. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. My heart wanted so much to run up to Harry, kiss him, and tell him everything, but my head held me back. I moved to the back off to the corner as I cursed my head for keeping me from doing something I wanted so desperately to do.  
  
I looked over at Harry. He sat by himself in the second row on the opposite side of the class as I was. I wondered why Ron and Hermione weren't with him. I saw them two rows ahead of me. They seemed to be glaring at Harry, but I wasn't sure. Snape was standing over there, so they could have been looking at him as he lectured. Harry sat and took notes. He didn't even look up from his parchment once. His head was slumped in his hand while the other gently held the quill. I was tranfixed by him. I watched the quill move ever so slowly. I could see what he was writing. It was my name. He was writing my name over and over again on his potions notes. I had no clue how to react. This meant that he was still in love with me. I had to get Professor Lupin. I rasied my hand and Snape called on me.  
  
"Class was so much more pleasant since you weren't talking Mr. Malfoy. What do you want? And make it quick." He spat.  
  
"I'm not feeling very well Professor, may I please go to Madame Pomphrey?" I asked. Before he could answer with a quick-witted refusal, I mouthed, "I need Professor Lupin" as clear as I could. He nodded in response.  
  
"Fine, go. Now I can lead class without having to look at you." he snapped, then winked slightly.  
  
I walked out of the class and sprinted to Lupin's room. I reached it and opened the door. Light spewed into the dark and dusty classroom. Professor Lupin was standing at the front looking at me. I looked around the class to find about fifty second years looking at me as well. Some of the slytherins started whipering to eachother as I walked to talk privataly with Lupin. I looked at him and he nodded. I didn't need to speak. He knew. He knew I needed his help.  
  
"Class, please review what we talked about yesterday. I will be right back." He lead me to the room where I stayed the previous night. We sat on the cot and I told him what I saw. "I don't know what to do here Draco." He said. "His love for you is too strong. I don't think there's much more we can do."  
  
I looked at him stunned. How could he not know what to do? "So, you're just going to let Voldemort get him?!" I accused.  
  
"Not at all. I will do everything I can to protect him. You know he is safe here. He will be fine."  
  
I didn't belive him. I was so unsure of everything at that point. He left me sitting on the cot with my thoughts and emotions scattered all over the place.  
  
I walked back to potions to find the kids walking out of the door since classes had just ended. I stopped when I saw Harry. He slowly walked out of class. Ron was leaning up against the wall waiting for him. I watched as he walked up to Harry. My eyes could not move from him.  
  
"Look Harry." Ron said. "You know that when you first came out, I didn't really say anything because Hermione told me not to. She and I are on the same page however with the Malfoy situation. Now she doesn't give a shit what I say or do to you because she feels the same way." Harry simply stood there and took in what his friend was saying. Ron continued, "I wanted to tell you that I don't want you in the dorms anymore. Everyone feels the same way as I do. We don't want a fag, let alone a deatheater-loving fag in our room. So, pack your shit up and leave."  
  
"where am I going to go?" Harry asked. His voice was shaking from crying so much.  
  
"why don't you go and stay with Malfoy?" Ron taunted.  
  
"please Ron. You're my best friend. Don't do this to me, not now." Harry pleaded. He tired to hug Ron in order to seek some sort of comfort in a friend, but he was pushed to the ground before his arms made contact with Ron's body.  
  
"Don't fucking touch me fag!" He spat out at him. "I was just going to kick you out, I wasn't going to kick your ass, but you crossed the line fairy!"  
  
I saw it all. In the middle of the hallway too. No one seemed to care. Ron kicked Harry hard in the ribs. Harry was already on the floor since Ron pushed him away. I wanted so much to run and help him, but I didn't. I stood there and watched it all happen. Ron continued to kick him until somone finally pulled him away. A fifth year from Hufflepuff picked Harry up. I flinched when I saw how bad he looked. The right side of his face was covered in blood and it was already beginning to swell. His robes were ripped and his hand was practically crushed because Ron stepped on it. He looked at Ron and all the other bystanders, but said nothing. He just looked at them and left. As he limped off by himself, I watched him. I wanted to help him so bad. I hated seeing him hurt; emotionally, or physically. Now it was both, and it was all my fault. 


	9. Falling

NINE REVIEWS! I love you all! And only 3 were from my friends. YAY!!! So, im not sure if this one's going to be done soon, or not, but I'm trying to find ideas for ny next fic. Not sure what or who it's going to be about. I know I want it to be a crossover, but I don't know what with. So, you, my loyal readers, help me please. Find something interesting to cross a HP fic with. I'd rather it be a movie, but a book is cool too. E-mail me, or review this chapter and give me ideas. So, on with the show. Oh, and, I don't own `em.... DAMN! Why can't I own them??? This sucks.  
  
Chapter nine: Falling  
  
I slid down the wall I was leaning against after witnessing that horrific site. My knees were bent and my head was slumped down. I just sat there and cried. I didn't care anymore. There was no need to keep living up to my once tough reputation. No need at all. Tears streamed down my cheeks and onto my robes. But I didn't give a shit. My life was completely meaningless. I had lost everything. I had no friends, no family. Oh, sure my family was there. "There" refering to the physical form that was my parents, but they didn't care about me at all. All they cared about was themselves. As for friends, well, I never had them to begin with. The biggest loss was Harry. He filled my life with love and compassion. He gave me a reason to live. Now that he's gone, what was the point?  
  
I sat in the hall analyzing my life until I realized how long I had been sitting there. I opened my watch. It was 6:45. Dinner was almost over. I wasn't hungry, so I got up and headed towards professor Lupin's room. I walked down the dark corridors, sometimes having to suck behind a pillar because Filch was coming, but I finally reached my sanctuary. Professor Lupin was standing outside his classroom waiting for me.  
  
"You can't stay here Draco." He said to me.  
  
I couldn't speak. I was once again being kicked out of a place I not only needed, but trusted. I simply looked at him in silence until he continued.  
  
"Harry is here." He continued.  
  
Those words falling from his lips was like a sudden burst of energy. My life was filled again. Harry was no longer far from me; he was right through a door. I ran and tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. I looked at Lupin who was holding the key in his hand. It was as though he was trying to torture me. Standing there with his key. The key to my future, but also to my death. I fell back onto the wall and slowly slid down it. I sat on the cold floor and cried. I didn't think I had the tears left, but they came in abundance.  
  
"You know this is how it has to be." He said as he came down to my level from where he stood before. "I hate saying this Draco, but you cannot see Harry. Classes are bad enough. You may stay in Professor Snape's classroom, but you cannot stay here. I'm sorry." He put his hand on my shoulder and I quickly shoved it away. I grabbed my belongings that were on the floor next to his feet and walked away without saying a word.  
  
****  
  
I reached Snape's class and found him standing outside just as Lupin had. "Hello Draco." He said to me as he opened the door. I didn't feel like talking about anything, so I just went into his back room and made myself a bed. I had known where his room was from six years of being teacher's pet. I knew that dungeon like the back of my hand. I sat on the cot for a while, then finally laid down. I stared up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes knowing that I needed sleep. When darkness came, all I could see was Harry. The Harry that I fell in love with. The Harry that was happy and funny. I tried so hard to get that image out of my head. I knew that I would never get any sleep if I kep picturing him. I couldn't get him out though. I tried and tried, but whenever I closed my eyes, all I could see was him. I opened my eyes after trying to not see him for the tenth time and stood up. I tried to shake the image of Harry out of my head. Our first, and probably last kiss was playing over  
and over again despite the fact that my eyes were open. I hit my head hard repeatedly, but I still saw him. I saw me too. I saw us. We were together; we were happy. I wanted so much for this to be true, but I knew in my head it could not ever be. My heart wanted to know why, but I could not answer it. I felt myself falling after that. I reached the ground, but not as hard as I would have imagined. It was unusually comfortable. I knew sleep would never come, so I just stayed there and gazed off into my own unreachable dreams. 


End file.
